Friday Chat w/ Vlad

Hey, it's Vlad. So this morning I dragged myself out of bed, because apparently society frowns on foxes lounging until noon, and fired up the internet. This magical network contains the entire sum of human knowledge, and yet is mostly used for cat videos and arguing with someone named "BigRick420."

I was hoping to find news that scientists had finally used genetic engineering to combine tuna DNA with tomato, bread, and mayo, and made a self-assembling tuna sandwich. No such luck. Instead, I found out they made a goat with glow-in-the-dark eyebrows. I can't even begin to guess why someone would want a "glow goat"

But what's really taken over the internet is this question:

"Could 100 average men beat a gorilla in a fight?"

This debate is everywhere. Reddit. TikTok. YouTube. Probably carved into a bathroom stall somewhere in Bakersfield. And people are taking it seriously. There are spreadsheets. PowerPoints. Someone made a Minecraft simulation. They've consulted primatologists, military strategists, and at least one guy who was exceptionally hairy.

My first question is why would you want to fight a gorilla? Did he cut you off in traffic, does he owe you money, did he make disparaging comments about your momma? The thing is gorillas are actually pacifists, they have no interest in fighting 100 men. Despite the fact that gorillas are like a fridge with arms, with the strength of a forklift and one of the highest bite forces in the animal kingdom, they are herbivores. They just want to hang out with their harem of ladies and be left alone. So how about we all just stop this nonsense.

Now, a question that should be answered is "Could a fox beat 100 chipmunks”

I've tangled with chipmunks before. Solo, they're as threatening as a marshmallow in a sweater vest. But 100 of them? That's a different story. A jittery, squeaky, nut-hoarding horde of chaos goblins.

But that... is a tale for another time.

Vlad out.

#chatwithvlad #GorillaVs100Men #FridayFoxChat #ChipmunkChaos #GlowEyebrowGoat|