Hey it's Vlad, the most magnificent fox at JABCECC. My brilliance, charm, and dazzling fur are unmatched. One might even call me King Vlad the Magnificent, Lord of the Manor, Duke of the Dookie. But today, I write not as a king-but as a victim. A victim of the Flirt Pole.

For those of you who do not know of this device, it consists of a stick with a string attached to it. At the end of the string is a fuzzy toy designed to simulate a prey item. It is pretty convincing other than the large label that says made in China.

While many claim this device is

used for enrichment, I am convinced its true purpose is to make foxes question their dignity.

It all began on a deceptively peaceful morning. I was lounging atop my platform, surveying my domain. The air was crisp, the leaves golden, and the pungent scent of dorkwolf hung in the air.

Then, staff

members appeared, moving purposefully toward our enclosure. One of them held it-the dreaded Flirt Pole.

I urged my fellow Ambassadors to remain calm. We are dignified creatures. We would not engage. But before I could even finish my sentence, the pole flicked, and what followed was a disgrace to foxkind.

Yuri launched himself forward like an over-caffeinated kangaroo, flailing and shrieking in a manner that defies description. Lena, in the middle of extracting a piece of kibble from between her teeth, snapped into attack mode. Leika, naturally high-strung, became a whirling ninja of chaos. And me? I must have blacked out. One moment, I was standing there, a noble creature of cunning and self-control. The next, I'm told I was airborne, screaming, in what can only described as a tornado of limbs, teeth, and regret.

As quickly as it started it was over. The Staff departed and us foxes were left lying on the ground, exhausted...questioning our life choices.

Vlad out.

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